Modern wedding vows
Updated August 2026
Modern vows say the same serious things as traditional ones in language people actually use. No thee, no thou, nothing either of you would be embarrassed to be heard saying. They tend to be about partnership rather than possession, and about what two people will do rather than how they happen to feel today.
Three complete sets follow. All of them are ready to say word for word, and all of them are also good frames to build on if you would rather write your own: keep the shape, swap the specifics for things only the two of you know.
Complete sets, ready to say
What I promise
about 40 seconds eachThe most broadly useful modern set. Plain, warm, and specific about conduct rather than feeling. Works in any venue and in front of any family.
One partner says
[Partner B], I choose you today, and I will keep choosing you.
I promise to be honest with you, especially when it would be easier not to be. I promise to be kind to you on the days you are hardest to be kind to. I promise to take your side, to listen properly, and to say sorry first as often as I can manage.
I promise to build a life with you that we are both glad to come home to. Whatever comes, I am yours.
The other partner says the same words, with the names swapped.
The partnership vow
about 45 seconds eachFor couples who want the ceremony to say out loud that this is an equal arrangement between two whole people. Good when you have both already built a life and are now joining them.
One partner says
[Partner B], I am not marrying you to complete anything. I am marrying you because my life is better with you in it, and because I want the rest of it spent alongside you.
I promise to carry my share and then some when you cannot carry yours. I promise to make room for who you are and for who you are still becoming, and never to ask you to be smaller so that things are easier.
I promise to keep choosing this, deliberately, on the ordinary days as much as this one. That is my vow to you.
The other partner says the same words, with the names swapped.
The short modern vow
about 15 seconds eachThree sentences, said well. For an elopement, a nervous speaker, or a couple who would rather say a little and mean all of it.
One partner says
[Partner B], I choose you.
I promise to be honest, to be kind, and to stay beside you through whatever comes.
For all of it, for all my life.
The other partner says the same words, with the names swapped.
Short vows live or die on pace. Put a full beat between each of the three lines and this lands harder than a paragraph would.
Notes on saying these well
Modern does not mean casual
The most common failure in a modern vow is mistaking informality for honesty. Guests can tell the difference between someone talking plainly and someone deflecting, and a vow that never risks saying anything serious leaves the room feeling slightly cheated. Plain words, serious content. That is the register.
The reliable way to get there is to promise actions rather than emotions. "I will love you forever" is a wish. "I promise to say sorry first" is something you can be held to. Every strong modern vow is a short list of things the speaker will do, with one sentence of feeling wrapped around it.
Making one of these your own
Take a set as it stands and swap the middle paragraph. The opening line and the closing line are doing structural work and are hard to improve on; the middle is where you belong. Replace one general promise with something only the two of you would recognize, and keep it concrete.
Then agree with your partner on shape and length before either of you writes a word. Two vows of wildly different lengths is the awkwardness couples most regret, and it is entirely avoidable with one conversation: same rough length, same rough register, and no reading the other one in advance if you want the surprise.
Write and perform every ceremony from one desk
RiteBinder is the booking desk and the writing desk in one: interview the couple, shape the script and the vows, and read from a podium that needs no signal on the day. Free to start.
Frequently Asked Questions
- How long should modern wedding vows be?
- Between about fifteen seconds and a minute spoken aloud, which is far shorter than most drafts. Most people write roughly twice what they can comfortably say. Read yours out loud with a timer, and if it runs past a minute, cut rather than speed up.
- Should both partners say the same vows?
- Either works, but the two should match in length and register. Matching words are simple and have a pleasing symmetry; separate vows are more personal. What jars is one person speaking for ten seconds and the other for two minutes, so agree the shape in advance even if you keep the words secret.
- Can we write our own modern vows instead?
- Yes, and these sets make good frames for it. Keep the opening and closing lines, replace the middle with promises that are specific to you, and test the result by reading it aloud standing up. If it sounds like a person talking, it is finished.
- Is it acceptable to read vows from a card?
- Completely. Almost everyone does, and no guest has ever thought less of a couple for it. Print them large on stiff card rather than keeping them on a phone, since screens dim and batteries die at the worst moment.
- When should we write our vows?
- Draft about a month out and finish two weeks before, which leaves time to read them aloud, cut the second half, and hand a copy to the officiant. The week of the wedding is the worst possible time to be writing anything, and a vow written the night before is almost always the longest one either of you says.