Secular wedding vows
Updated August 2026
Secular vows name no faith and invoke no authority beyond the two people saying them and the people watching. The trap is writing away from religion instead of toward something, which leaves a promise that sounds like a contract being signed. Every set here is built the other way: grounded in the choice itself, in the years already shared, and in the room.
Three complete sets follow, all sayable word for word, none of them containing a religious reference of any kind. If you are marrying two families with different beliefs, these are also the safest ground, because they ask nothing of anyone in the seats.
Complete sets, ready to say
The humanist promise
about 45 seconds eachThe full secular vow: what you are choosing, why it counts, and what you will do about it. Suits a ceremony where the vows are the emotional center.
One partner says
[Partner B], I am not making this promise because anything requires it of me. I am making it because I want to, in front of the people whose opinion of me I care about most.
I promise to be honest with you and gentle with you. I promise to take your happiness as seriously as my own, and to carry your hard days beside you rather than watching from a distance. I promise to keep being curious about you, because you are going to keep changing and so am I.
For as long as I live, and for no reason other than that I choose it: I am yours.
The other partner says the same words, with the names swapped.
The witnessed vow
about 40 seconds eachPuts the guests at the center, which is what a secular ceremony has in place of a liturgy. Lovely at a small wedding where everyone present genuinely knows the couple.
One partner says
[Partner B], everyone in these seats has watched some part of how we got here, and I wanted them to hear this rather than be told about it later.
I promise to be your steady one. I promise to tell you the truth, to say when I am wrong, and to keep our home a place we both want to come back to. I promise that the version of me you get on the bad days will still be someone you can rely on.
You have my word, in front of all of them, for the rest of my life.
The other partner says the same words, with the names swapped.
If you use this one, ask the officiant to leave a beat after the second line. The room reacts to being named, and speaking over that reaction wastes it.
The short secular vow
about 15 seconds eachTwo sentences and a full stop. For an elopement, a courthouse wedding, or anyone who would rather say a little and mean every word.
One partner says
[Partner B], I choose you, freely and with my eyes open.
I promise to be honest, to be kind, and to stay — for all of it, for the rest of my life.
The other partner says the same words, with the names swapped.
Notes on saying these well
Warm, not merely neutral
A secular vow has to stand on something, and there are three things reliably available: the fact that the promise is freely chosen rather than required, the history the two of you already have, and the people who came to watch. Name at least one of them explicitly and the vow has weight. Name none and it reads as an announcement.
Keep the language concrete. Choose, promise, build, stay, tell, carry — plain verbs do more here than lofty abstractions, and every word should mean exactly what it says. Borrowed solemn vocabulary is the thing a secular ceremony is specifically free of, so do not reach for it out of nervousness.
When the two families believe different things
Secular vows are often chosen not because the couple is irreligious but because the two families are not the same, and a neutral vow is the one thing nobody has to sit through uncomfortably. If that is your situation, say so warmly in the ceremony rather than leaving people to guess, and let the officiant frame it as including everyone rather than excluding anything.
Then check the whole ceremony with that ear, not only the vows. Readings are where religion sneaks back in: several classic "secular" choices mention God in a closing line, and it is much better to notice that a month out than to hear it from the front row afterward.
Write and perform every ceremony from one desk
RiteBinder is the booking desk and the writing desk in one: interview the couple, shape the script and the vows, and read from a podium that needs no signal on the day. Free to start.
Frequently Asked Questions
- What are secular wedding vows?
- Promises with no religious language, no scripture, and no appeal to any faith. The only authority they invoke is the couple’s own choice and the witness of the guests, which for a great many people is exactly the point.
- Are secular vows legally valid?
- The wording being secular has no bearing on legality anywhere in the United States. What makes a marriage legal is a valid marriage license and an officiant authorized to solemnize it, who signs and returns the license correctly. Confirm those steps with the county clerk who issued it.
- How do we handle religious relatives?
- Tell them beforehand rather than letting the ceremony be the announcement, and give them a role that costs nothing: a reading, a walk down the aisle, a moment at the reception. Most of the discomfort in these situations comes from surprise rather than from the ceremony itself.
- Can secular vows still be moving?
- Every bit as much, provided they are grounded in something specific. Ground them in the choice itself, in the history you already have, and in the people watching, and a secular vow carries as much weight as any other kind.